Confidence and Growth ( guest post by Harper Atkins)

Two years ago the First Focus and Youth groups played softball against eachother! I wanted to play, but when I swung at the ball I missed it and I stomped off the field crying. Two years after I decided to try again, and I actually hit it!!!! I kept wanting to hit the ball more and more because it was so much fun hitting!!! I felt more confident than I did two years ago!!! We can't do it again because we're moving to Pittsburgh. But there is softball in Pittsburgh!!! YEAH!!!!!!!!!!

Temptation, Surrender, Weakness, and Strength

Temptation doesn't always have to come in the form of enticement, like chocolate or sex. Temptation can come in the form of fear or worry. The temptation associated with fear and worry is to believe the worst possible scenario is the one that will happen, and the worrier can either do whatever is possible to avoid that scenario or just cave and actually play a part in self fulfilling prophecy. One is rooted in works and control, the other manifests itself in pluralization.

The Biblical response to fear, is courage, but not courage rooted in personal strength, but courage rooted in surrender. I know, it doesn't make sense, but its the way it works. Its surrendering to God those things that your are fearful and anxious about to God, and walking forward in the courage that God is in control. Its not avoidance. Avoidance is simply saying I'm going to act as if it doesn't exist when it does. Surrender is accepting the reality that it exists but not allowing it to master you.

This is where we see Paul in 2 Corinthians talk about his thorn, and experiencing God's strength in the midst of weakness. Paul asks, pleads, that it be removed, but God says " my grace is sufficient, my power is perfected in weakness."

Today I was blessed by an encounter with a brother in the Lord who appears to be living a parallel life to mine. He's moving forward, trying something new in the worst possible climate to be doing it. Both of us feel like we are living day to day by faith, supported by family, friends, and the Lord. Both of us feel like there are tremendous stakes involved, and there are, and at the same time, both of us feel like no matter what happens we will survive because of God's grace. Neither of us communicated feeling like God was silent or absent. Just the opposite. We have been encouraged by God's presence through scripture and prayer.

What does strength and courage look like again? Its not the absence of fear. Its not the denial of temptation? Its surrendering to God's power in the midst of our weaknesses, our temptations, and our fears, and crying out "Help" because we have no other place to go.

Lord God,
Our life is laid before you. You see it all clearly. You are not surprised by our circumstances. You are not afraid of our fears. You enter into them. You enter into our life through your Holy Spirit. You enter into our life through your word. You enter into our life through the community of fellow followers trying to take the next step of faith when everything else is telling you step in another direction. Help us this day to step into you. Help us to lean into the wave of your grace and love. Help us not to be consumed with our fears, but to be consumed by your grace. Help us to be present for family and friends who need us to be the living Christ.
Amen.

God's Presence

A slight detour from my theme of fear and anxiety is in order.

I awoke this morning having had a good nights sleep after three terrible nights. I awoke thanking God for the sleep. I then prayed for a while, and began to get get myself ready. While preparing myself for the day, the Lord said to me "This is a day of fasting for you." I was like, OK. Never been told the day of, and I usually map this out in advance, but if that's what you want, I'll do it. It came in an almost audible voice. Its a call to pray for His church and his people. Its also a call to listen. I am excited to see what this day holds.

I went downstairs to fix coffee for Joline and I, and a yellow finch landed on my door and began to peck at it. I went to the door ,and it flew away. A moment latter, it came back and did the same thing. So, I opened the door and looked outside to realize something that I had been anxious about was absolutely fine. It was God showing me that He is looking out for me. That he is considering me when I am asleep.

The LORD is gracious and merciful; Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness. Psalm 145:8

The LORD'S lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, For His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness."The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "Therefore I have hope in Him." The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, To the person who seeks Him. Lamentations 3:22-25

Collateral Damage

According to Wikipedia, collateral damage is damage that is unintended or incidental to the intended outcome.

This may or may not be the proper way of describing those who live with others who wrestle with fear and anxiety, but I'm going to go with it.

Spouses, children, and friends are often hurt in the same way second-hand smokers are affected. They may not be the one smoking, but they inhale the results. They are also left feeling powerless to do anything but to stand by and watch. This, in some ways, is just as painful as dealing with it directly. I have been told " I don't know what to tell you. I wish I could help, but I don't know how."

The reality is, few are prepared or equipped to deal with such severe fear and anxiety. The greatest thing anybody living with someone who wrestles with fear and anxiety is to insist they get help, even if it means making an appointment for them. If help is not accepted the loved one in need is like a drowning victim who will only drag you down with them, even though its not their intention to do so.

From personal experience, I have been that drowning victim, and I have pulled others with me, particularly my wife. For several years during difficult times in ministry my wife shouldered the emotional load of both family issues (and we had a few) as well as my depression. It wasn't fair. But, its what she did, and I have had to ask for forgiveness.

I have also had to repent, and repentance took the form of getting help, both medically and spiritually. I had to recognize that my fear and anxiety were rooted in physiological, spiritual, and environmental issues. Just to address it from one aspect would have negated the reality of the others.

I totally believe in the power of prayer, and have an intercessory team praying for me. I also believe in spiritual ware fare and how the Adversary uses our weakness to cause sinful footholds in our life. I have a doctor who knows my family medical history, and a counselor who understands my psychological wiring and work environment. All of these are working in tandem to keep me going. I'm a bit like an Indy race car who needs a whole pit crew to keep me running.

In addition to my spouse, my kids became collateral damage. "Why is Dad so sad? Why does Dad get so angry? Why won't Dad play with us?" I have had to ask for forgiveness from them ,and repent. What does repentance look like with children? I have committed myself not to teach my kids fear, but courage and bravery. With my 8 year old, we have three truths we repeat every day, (1) God is always with you, (2) Mom and Dad will always love you, (3) It's OK to be afraid, but we are able to be brave because of 1 and 2. We repeat it as much for me as we do for her, but I know she is retaining it.

Collateral damage is not the Gospel. Collateral love is. Collateral prayer is. Collateral redemption is. God is in the business of redeeming the ugly and making it beautiful. I guess that's what God calls grace.

Dear Lord,
You are the redeemer of all things. The stone the cutters rejected you used as a cornerstone, a stumbling block. We have not been rejected by you, but have been called by name and redeemed. Help us to recognize what we need and not what we might want. Be with our family members and help them to speak truth to us. Give us ears to hear, eyes to see, feet and hands to respond. May we never forsake your name. You have seen the things we wrestle with far in advance. Our life is laid before you. Help us to be faithful and obedient in all things, and learn to give you thanks in all things, even our suffering. No matter how real or perceived. You hold all things together.

Consumed

This is the perfect word for how people who wrestle with fear and anxiety feel, consumed. Over the years, while not all the time, in those moments I have felt totally consumed by fear and anxiety. Consumed to the point where you forget what joy ever felt like. Consumed to the point where you feel thin, and I'm not talking weight, but the kind of thin that feels like you could be torn in half like tissue paper. Consumed to where all you can think about is the potential for disaster when there is sun and chirping birds (Yes, my mood and word pictures are driven by weather, for right now). Consumed to the point where you feel much older than you are. Consumed to the point were you feel like you have little to offer anybody . . except the church, and this is when it gets dangerous.

Why, because your family can become collateral damage. As a church leader you are told to put on a bold and brave front and keep the troops high because people are coming to you for help in their times of need, so you exhaust yourself in being strong for others, and then have little to give to your family. Its not their (your family) fault, they need you just as much, if not more. We assume that if we're doing God's work, God will take care of your family. Wrong! God will take care of his bride (church). Its your job to take care your bride and family. If you allow yourself to be consumed, they will be consumed with you. (I'll share more about this in the next post).

Pastors try to be lone rangers in our attempts to be brave, and we read scripture that encourages us not to fear, so we say "I'm not going to be afraid", but sometimes that just doesn't seem to work. Why does God tell us not to be afraid? Because we are! God is not surprised that we're going to be afraid. God is not shocked that we deal with anxiety because he says "Don't be anxious". But his call not to be afraid and anxious is not a call to intestinal fortitude, but placed in the light of His presence in our life. God's remedy for fear and anxiety is presence. His presence bring us peace. His presence in our life is in the form of his Holy Spirit, His Word, and his church. But the presence of the church doesn't work unless we become transparent with our fears, especially as pastors. The sin is not being afraid and anxious. The sin is allowing that fear and anxiety to keep you from surrendering yourself to God and others. There are times when we do need to be carried by others. As Ortberg says, the church is the fellowship of the mat (Mark 2). We need to carry each other.

I could give your so many resources about this, but I am only going to give you two right now. First, you need to focus on God's promises. Here is one that seems to be working in many of my friends lives right now and in mine.

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine! When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you.” (Isaiah 43:1-2)

Second is "Be not Afraid" by Dave Ivaska. This is a wonderful companion study guide to scripture that shows us where God calls his people not to be afraid, and how God comes along side them in their fear and anxiety.

Here is my prayer for you (and me today).

Lord,
Your word, Your Holy Spirit, and your church are wonderful gifts to us. Help us to lean into those gifts. Consume us with your peace. Consume our fear and anxiety with your grace and peace. Forgive us when we allow our fears and anxiety to paralyze us. Forgive for us when we try to shoulder this alone. Bring to remembrance the blessings in our life. Shut out the fear of what has yet to happen, and replace it with thanksgiving and gratitude for what is. Give us strength and courage to push forward this day. Thank you for being a God who understands and knows fear personally. Thank you for being a God with whom we can draw near in our times of need.
Amen.

I'mmmm Baaaack!

I'm returning to blogging because its time for me to start sharing about my life with fear and anxiety. Its time that I take the mask off and begin to reveal who I am as a disciple of Jesus Christ and how I live with fear and anxiety. Its ugly and beautiful, paralyzing and propelling.

I am going to take an unpopular stance, and say that I think fear and anxiety are temptations that can lead to sin. I'm not discounting the fact that millions of us who struggle with it may need more than spiritual intervention, but if you only medicate it you will miss out on the abundant grace God has in store for you. Fear and anxiety are rooted in what hasn't happened, but might, in the mind of the individual. For example, it could be bright and sunny out, but the one who wrestle with fear and anxiety can only focus on when it might rain next. There is always the potential for rain, but the individual allows that potential to rob them of the joy in the present sunshine. This may result in one constantly checking weather foracsts and watching the horizon for clouds. Can they control the weather, no, but they want to be ready for it when it does.

Why do I believe it can lead to sin, because its rooted in idolatry. Its a denial of God's love and intervention. It enables a person to believe that they can control the circumstances if they work hard enough.

At the same time, courage is close bedfellow with fear and anxiety. Courage is not the abscence of fear, but the recognition of it and moving forward inspite of the fear. Was Jesus afraid. Hebrews 5:7-9 speaks directly to Jesus calling out in loud cries and tears to the one who was able to save, and was heard because of his submission. It even says that Jesus learned obedience through suffering. Hold the phone! Jesus had to learn something? Yes.

In the coming posts I will share my experiences with fear and anxeity, how its impacted me and my family, and how I have become pro-active in addressing its source and reoccurances in my life.

Join me if you dare. Share if you like. Surrender if you can.